Dear friend.......

This morning I posted about “letting go, changing the channel, turning it off, unsubscribing, unfriending, unfollowing, muting, blocking, walking away and breathing” and the more I read this post the more I realized that I have to face a “demon” which I have not dealt with. I am sure most of you have heard about how relationships have reasons, seasons or lifetimes and when I re-read that post, the more I realized that I have to deal with why I was avoiding being honest with myself when it came to certain friendships.

Now before anyone gets upset with me, this post is about MY reality and acceptance of what is happening in my life and my space. Throughout my life I have made many friends. As these things go, some friendships have run their course, some have strengthened, some have faded and some are in a “holding pattern” of sorts. Some need nurturing more than others, but then there are also those that are so natural that even after years of losing contact, you pick up exactly where you have left off.

Not too long ago a friend made a comment to me, which as a coach, I should have gone into complete “coaching mode”, but as a friend I just shut down. I shut down because how could I help someone with a topic which I, myself, was having trouble dealing with especially when it came to our friendship? Only a few days prior to our brief communication had I experienced exactly what she was feeling, yet I was still trying to process the fact that a re-kindling of a friendship of 20 years ago, might not be what I was expecting it to be, picking up as if nothing had changed. She felt that she was moving into a different direction to those closest to her and did not know how to move on from there. I was stumped, but could relate.

Right now, Jason would say that I am “blabbing” and making no sense at all and he is probably right. What I do know is that this is my way of apologizing for not being there when I should have. For not accepting earlier that maybe our friendship had a reason and although it had many seasons, it might not be a lifetime, which is completely OK. I am OK with that. Our paths which were once merged have hit a fork in different directions. Who knows, our paths might cross again and come back stronger than before, but where I am right now, is exactly where I need to be for the both of us.

I have been feeling extremely guilty, enough for the both of us, but I also do not have the energy to try and force something which once was so natural and easy. Life is hard enough. I could go on and on, but this post is not about making anyone feel guilty or think that they are bad people. This is about me freeing myself and accepting me for who I am. I needed to unsubscribe, walk away and mute for me.

Dear friends, please do not start over analyzing this post and start thinking that I am referring to all of you! I often told my team, “if the shoe fits”. So if the shoe fits wear it with pride, knowing that feet do somehow become smaller or bigger, even in old age, which means that we will hopefully one day fit snugly again. Right now I am in my space of healing whilst wearing my comfortable shoes. The only thing that I can hope for is that when I am ready to reach out again that the shoes don’t start pinching either of our toes, but that it fits as naturally snug as it did in the past!

Until next time,

Light, love and GROWTH

Ophelia