Gone, but not forgotten

After last nights’ thunder and lightening, the sun has finally made its appearance. There is a faint breeze with a bit of a chill factor, but otherwise nothing to write home about. We are currently at our “other home”, enjoying some time with my in-laws.

These visits include lots of “dog walks”, staring at the ocean whilst “weather watching”, reading, drinking of wine and braai-ing, but mostly just spending quality time with that side of the family.

Last night as I was scrolling through Facebook my eyes fell on a post made on a closed seafarers group which I belong to. It was made by a friends’ dad, whom had past on more than 12 years ago and he was thanking the group for allowing him to join whilst mentioning his son whom he had lost way too young. I responded with a brief message of my own, which I hope that he sees and responds to.

The “human” that I am, I then briefly “Facebook stalked” him. Now I know because we are not “friends” that I can probably only see limited posts, but it struck me that the majority of his posts were all about the son that he had lost, but none of the son which is still alive and kicking, whom I still happen to be “friends” with. Jason and I both reflected on how “odd” that is. Granted the brother was always seen as a bit of a “rebel”, but I am saddened by the “lack” of mention of him. My instinctive response to Jason was that it might be the classic case of “idolizing” those that have passed on, forgetting the “bad”, only remembering the good and at the same time forgetting those that are still around.

Many years ago I had shared some details on a past relationship with a then boyfriend. When he passed on I was utterly distraught. The then boyfriend made a few “snarky” comments, as he just could not understand why I was so upset. I responded that no matter what had happened between us, like any relationship it had its ups and its downs, and although the relationship ended badly we managed to become friends again. Besides, he did not know him and therefore I was not going to allow him to speak badly of him. Only I could do that, since that relationship had happened to me and not to him.

As I pondered about the lack of posts I realize that I cannot sit in judgement. I do not know the dynamics of the relationship of either son with their father. I am not the one who has lost a child. I have heard that there is no pain like it especially since children should bury their parents and not the other way around.

I do know about loss. I “lost” grandparents and an uncle in my early years, my dad in my late teens and an ex boyfriend in my late 20’s. These are the losses which have affected me the most, since they were people that were closest to me. Most of them were also “sudden” and “unexpected”.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that we all grieve differently. Some of us block out all the bad and choose to only remember the good. Others remember only the bad and forget about the good. Others fear that the memory of their loved ones will be forgotten, so they try and keep them alive at all costs.

I am reminded about another Facebook post called “reason, season, lifetime”. My passed on loved ones all were in my life for a reason and stayed for a few seasons. Although “gone”, they will all be remembered and treasured for a lifetime.

Until next time.

Love, light and positive change

Ophelia