Stress Management

“If you are mentally fit, you can handle life’s great challenges without the mental stress or other negative emotions” - Shirzad Chamine from Positive Intelligence

I love this quote because how many of us are mentally fit to be dealing with life’s stresses and all the negativity which we fill our minds with? Are you running your mind or is your mind running you? Are you able to see the difference?

I know that I am asking a lot of questions, but these are all questions which I would like you to answer. Not for me, but for yourselves. Life as we know it is gone, but yet we are all living in the past yearning for something which is no longer, or yearning for something better than now, although we do not even know what that looks like! The past is gone and the future has not yet arrived, yet we focus on these two “tenses” so heavily, without even considering the present moment we are in. I was happy when. I will be happy when. What about being happy now? Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised, all we have is the present moment.

Its all the lies which we tell ourselves which adds to our stress! There is this constant battle in our brain between the left and right sides. We never choose to be in the middle before deciding which way to go. We just automatically “jump into” fright, freeze, flight mode, instead of making calm, laser-focused decisions. If we chose the latter, can you imagine the impact it will have on our lives? We could be avoiding unnecessary conflicts with ourselves, others and our circumstances. That 10 second pause of being “in the middle” can make the world of difference to the stress which we create for ourselves. Yes, all it takes is 10 seconds to get completely out of heads and crazy thoughts!

I was one of those people that really struggled with meditation and mindfulness. As a coach, it should be a part of your daily practice, but let me tell you, the struggle was real! It was real, until I started working with Shirzad Chamine of Positive Intelligence, who taught me all about PQ reps and strengthening my self-command muscle. PQ reps for me is all about being absolutely present with my senses, especially in stressful situations and teaching my brain to pause so that I can make calm, clear-headed and laser focused decisions.

Stress defined is emotional and mental strain or tension resulting from adverse circumstances. It can bring about chemical changes in the body, raising blood pressure and heart rate. This leads to feelings of frustration, anxiety, anger or depression. At the thought level we are judging ourselves, others and our circumstances. More than likely the thoughts which we are thinking are lies. At the focus level our minds are not present because if you are in the current moment, you will not be stressed. Remember I spoke about past and future. When it comes to our brain activation we have activated our flight, freeze, flight reactors. Can you see how the constant fight between these two sides of our brain is causing our stress, and if we were not so much “in our heads” we would not have all these stresses?

Now raise your hand if you want any of this in your life. Do I hear a “hell no”? It is time to get out of our heads and stop trying to think our way out of stress. The harder you think about it, the more you activate that left brain of yours and the more you are making a bad thing worse! One really cannot think ones way out of stress.

Please do not get me wrong. Stress can be helpful, like holding your hand on a hot stove for a split second, feeling the pain as it delivers the information to your brain, like an alert that something is wrong. The trick is not to stay there and be taken down that rabbit hole! Rather do gentle contemplation on why you are feeling the way that you are and what impact it is having on you. Get to the root cause and this will remove the source of your stress.

Have you even considered how being an avoider or controller causes more stress in your life? We procrastinate for days on end or we want to have absolute control of everything in our lives, when we know deep down in our hearts, that control is not possible and that life is just one messy ride. Can you see how we bring about our own stress?

Now I know the stickler, hyper-rational in you want tangible advice even though I have just told you how to get “out of your heads”, so here it is:

• When feeling stressed, pause and really be present in one of your senses, whether it is touch, visual, sound or breathing. Do not think about anything but one of those sensations. Do this for a few minutes, until you feel calm

• Be really present when doing the things that bring you joy.

• Think about the fork in the road and the choices that might bring you stress

• Do gentle contemplation about your stress

Everything in life can be converted into a gift or opportunity, even your stress, because at the end of the day who knows what is good or what is bad? Either way it was we choose to think that is what becomes real!

Until next time,

Light, love, value and GROWTH

Ophelia