The incredible story of mixed race relationships

I remember when I was still in primary school, asking my mom if I could marry a “white guy”. She responded with, “You can marry whom ever you want to”. Now remember, that I was born in Apartheid South Africa, whereby it was illegal to enter into a “mixed race” relationship, never mind marriage, but I guess my mom had hopes that things would change by the time I was old enough to really think about marriage.

You see, I was fortunate to attend a private primary school. We had people from all races and backgrounds attend, so we were completely “color blind”. Till this day, I am not sure why I asked her that question, although upon reflection it probably had to do with my “crush” on a guy called Stanley, who had the bluest of eyes, blondest of hair and deepest of dimples! Our parents socialized at school events and our siblings were also in the same class, so why wouldn’t this question be asked?

Only when I entered high school, with me now being able to attend a “Government Model C School”, did I really come face to face with racism. Because I was “color blind” it was easy for me to accept people for who they were, but unfortunately there still was a divide and two incidents still stand out for me. There was a “skirmish” between the “coloured” and “white” boys, which really upset me because I knew that it had to do with racism, when a white girlfriend asked me, “Why are you worried, you are one of us?” I am not sure what she meant by that, but it didn’t make me feel any better. The second incident was when I was nominated as Prefect and a white male friend said it was because they needed “representation”, since I was the only person of color nominated. I know he said it in jest, but it rattled me enough for me to be reminded of it more than 20 years later!

In hindsight I must have lived an extremely sheltered life, because I was oblivious to what was going on around me and especially within our country. My parents never spoke about politics in the home, not that I can recall anyway. As time went by of course I was exposed to the harsh reality of our countries’ history, but still it did not “cloud” my judgement. I believed that good people do exist, no matter the color of their skin and that that which is within all of us is more important.

Fast forward to 2000, the year I joined ships. Here I was back in my “happy place” of being color blind. There was never “talk” around skin color, if anything it was about which country you were from and what was beneath your “outer layer”. Now I am not going to lie and say that there were not times when you weren’t “judged” for being from a specific county! Of course you were, but the difference was it never came from a malicious place, more ignorance. But then again, isn’t that what racism is, just pure ignorance? So maybe I am putting my head a bit in the sand, but please do not judge me. We know what we know, until we learn something different.

I mentioned in a prior blog that whilst on ships, I never dated South Africans. Now this is 100% factual. Was I being racist without even knowing it? Nah, I really just wanted a more “global experience”. Earlier I referred to two incidents which stood out for me whilst in high school, well, ironically I also have two incidents which stand out for me whilst on ships. Once when my Italian said that no child of his would ever grow up in Africa and another when a Scotsman confessed that he wasn’t sure as to how his parents would react if he ever had to bring me home! Now I should hope that it has nothing to do with my skin color, but who knows? Were both of these individuals just trying to be “diplomatic”? The Italian’s parents welcomed me with open arms, so I think he was just being a bit of an ass, where as for the Scotsman, we never lasted long enough to find out. Please do not get me wrong, beneath all the “harshness” I do still have a soft spot for them and know that if nothing else, they were honest.

As I am writing this, I am wondering if I am “rambling”, but I also realize that I need to give context to my heading, so that you understand why I write what I do. You see, I am now married to a “white South African”. Actually he is of English descent, but lets go with the former. We were in high school together. The same high school where I started to see color because of what was happening in my space. Unbeknownst to me, he was experiencing discrimination of a different kind. He was discriminated against because he was English and could not speak Afrikaans. I did not know that that kind of discrimination existed until he told me about it. I think that he wanted me to know that to a certain degree he could relate to my experience. It might not be about color, but discrimination is about more than skin color, isn’t it? I could talk about this in-depth, but that is a whole book on its own, so we will leave it at that (for now).

Having dated across many races and cultures the only time it felt “different” was when I started dating my husband and people would stare us for holding hands. They still do! The beauty of dating on ships, was that no one gave a toss or maybe because I was walking in another country, I didn’t notice the stares. Okay, then there is also the minor detail of rivalry between the Italian Deck and English Engine Departments! My English friends were extremely upset when I started dating the Italian, but I also think it is because they were trying to set me up with a Welshman........anyway, I am once again digressing.

The beauty of mixed race relationship is that we get to really understand what makes us different, but also what makes us the same. We are able to have open, honest conversations. We see through all the “bs” of discrimination and we can take jibes at each other without either of us taking offence. Isn’t that what healthy relationship are all about though? Seeing through all the political “bs” and deciding that we love being the same, but we love being different even more?

So yes, like my Global Village of ships, mixed race couples can also teach the world a thing or two. This is once again my story and I am sticking to it!

Until next time.

Light, love, value and GROWTH,

Ophelia

(Photo Credit to Uriel Mont from Pexels)