Understanding the background of relationships at sea

I remember that day as if it were yesterday. Me saying goodbye to my then boyfriend, as I embarked on a journey which would change my life forever. Yes, I am referring to me flying off to join Sun Princess in Vancouver for my training course before I was flown out to join the Crown Princess in Copenhagen. Who knew that in those few weeks alone, my whole perspective around relationships would change?

Now I think I need to back track just a little and give context to what I have just said. I always considered myself pretty average. In fact, maybe even a bit “boring” especially when it came to attracting the opposite sex. I was never popular with the boys and being a bit of an introvert did not help matters either. Even though I had a boyfriend when joining ships in my early 20’s, I was still pretty inexperienced when it came to matters of the heart and the “rules” of dating. To this day I will never forget standing at the airport, about to board for what I thought would be a once off adventure, and my boyfriend leaving me with these parting words, “If you meet someone and it isn’t serious, I do not want to know about it, but if it is serious, then please tell me”. In hindsight warning bells should have gone off, but I didn’t think anything of it. We were going to survive 6 months apart.

I do not know if it was the fresh Alaska air or me having to stand on my own two feet for the first time in my life, but overnight I let my guard down and decided to just go with the flow and have a blast no matter what it took. I wanted to be immersed in every encounter and experience. I was making friends easily and for the first time I was really accepted for me being me! No one cared what I looked like or where I came from, if anything they were intrigued and wanted to get to know the real me. I was connecting with all sorts of people from all over the world! I had an Australian “muso” (musician) take me under his wing and those few weeks we formed an awesome friendship which until this day is going strong. He tried to warn me off the boys, but I still had some lingering insecurities, especially since I had a super hot roomie from Canada who had all the boys falling at her feet! Now remember, for me it was about fitting in and making connections and with “those” parting words lingering in the back of my mind, I found myself being surrounded by all sorts of good looking guys, which happen to be single and the same age as me!

I developed a bit of a crush on a fellow junior purser, who might have kissed me after a corridor party. The following day I was being transshipped to the Crown Princess, so thought the kiss harmless even though I must confess I was bursting to tell someone about what had happened. On that flight I confessed to another junior purser thinking that neither of us would ever see him again.

I was then taken under the wings of a fellow South African and an Australian. They really treated me like their “little sister” and I looked up to them like big brothers. We were extremely close. I do not know if it was that my “inexperience” of being on my own which came to the fore or what it was, but I loved the "protectiveness" all the same! I was extremely close to my male cousins and looked up to them so having that in my now new environment was a massive welcome for me.

One thing that I learned pretty quickly was that connections happened pretty fast! Remember, you are surrounded by these people 24/7. Working, eating, socializing, exploring, no matter what it was, you could not get away, especially on a small ship! So where relationships on land take months to form, it happens within days on ships! With the Sun Princess" kiss" now completely out of my mind I became friendly with an Austrian. With either my South African or Australian brothers in tow, we would go on little adventures, like cycling through Bar Harbor and Boston and then when I trusted the Austrian more, we ventured out on our own and explored New York. Now how can some sort of a spark not be present when everything was new and an adventure?

Then the “impossible” happened. I was standing on the bridge talking to the first officer when suddenly I heard, “Ciao bella, come stai?” When I looked up I locked eyes with “the kiss”. With those few words, looking into those blue eyes, I knew that I was in trouble. I was given a very stern talking to by my Australian brother, as my South African one had already disembarked. He might as well have spoken to the walls. The chemistry with “the kiss” was too overpowering and we became inseparable pretty quick.

Now bearing in mind this was in 2000 when we had to use “Pocketmail” or find an internet café, stand in line to use the satellite telephone and pray for a connection! We were cruising in the Baltic’s, then did a transatlantic to New York followed by the Canada/New England itinerary, which meant that now a time difference also came into play. So yes, I slowly but surely “forgot” about my boyfriend back home as my calls to him became less frequent until about a week before I was due to disembark. I thought I better talk to him and tell him that I was due home and then instead of me dropping a bomb, he beat me to it and admitted that he had met someone. In absolute shock and admittedly maybe feelings of guilt, I confessed the same. Now before you judge me, “the kiss” knew about my boyfriend, but I guess we thought that when one of us disembarked, that that would also be the end of our little romance. Now single, although I guess by this time, “the kiss” was the boyfriend, we tried to make it work. I tried desperately to get back to the Crown Princess, but to no avail, I was sent to the Grand Princess instead.

Luckily for us the Crown Princess and Grand Princess were in port together a couple of times so we were able to meet up, but eventually he confessed to have started a relationship with someone else and by then so had I. Another “crazy” contract of dancing from one short lived relationship to another, to having an almost 4 year relationship with “my Italian”. My experience with “the kiss” should have prepared me for what was to come when it came to being in a relationship with someone who was on a different ship to you, but anyway, lets not hash that up.

What I did want to put in perspective was how similar, yet very different relationships at sea is to being on land. It is either completely overwhelming and short lived or extremely intense and life changing. I know of people who met at sea and are now happily married. It wasn’t the case for me. A ship romance did not become my happily ever after. What did remain from that time, is that even those short lived romances are still a part of my “Facebook friendship circle”, unlike my land relationships who for some reason have “un-friended” me.

Relationships can be very complicated! Add in confined spaces, days of the week that are defined by which port you are in, cultural differences, ranks and inter-departmental dating, new people coming in and out of your life on a weekly basis, raging hormones and alcohol, random nights turning into a party of note, themed nights, emergency situations, and about 100 other “things”, and it all becomes a bit of a blur.

Now I know that we all have different experiences, but this was and is mine. Would I change the “early days” and the way I moved from “relationship” to “relationship” becoming somewhat of a “serial dater” until I was finally on the same ship with someone for more than one contract? Possibly. Of course there have been regrets! Things I shouldn’t have done or said, but I have also come to realize that I was young and naïve. There were the relationships like “the kiss” and “my Italian” which I wish I could have “done” differently, but then it is what it is.

Someone that hasn’t experienced life on a cruise ship will find it hard not to judge me. Gosh, up until recently I judged me! But you know what, it is a part of my story, a chapter in my perfectly written novel. My cruise ship buddies and I still reminisce about those times and we laugh until our stomachs hurt, speaking in a code which no one else understands! This chapter, as much as what I cringe to write it, has put a massive smile on my face. There are still many parts to this chapter, which I might or might not write about. I don’t know, the jury is still out on that one.

Why share this with you? Well, in a way I have come full circle. My cruise ship days are a very big chapter in my life. Mini chapters, within one big chapter! Unless you have literally been there, done that, got the t-shirt, “land people” will never understand relationships at sea. Us cruising people do not even understand half of the time! It is however always refreshing to share what you have been through with those that can relate to ones story. One thing I wish I did have though is a Life Coach whilst at sea and especially one that also got the cruising t-shirt like me! Who knows, maybe I would have made better decisions and better choices.

Until next time.

Light, love and positive thoughts

Ophelia

In case you are wondering, yes my “brothers” and I are still “in touch” and my South African one and I are actually picking up the telephone and communicating more regularly. The Austrian is a very successful restaurateur in Austria, the "kiss" married the girl he told me about and sadly "my Italian" passed away tragically a few years ago.