Unexpected Reminders

This morning sitting in my church service from the comfort of my home, a hymn was played, which always reminds me of my dad, as it was played at his funeral service. Now this is not the first time that this has happened, it happens often and in many different forms. If not a hymn, then when I “mistakenly” am given 2 communion wafers. To me it is a sign, that my dad is with me. I must confess, I often shed a tear or 2 and hope that no one sees me.

If you are a dog lover and you have a dog pass on, and you see a rainbow shortly after, you would say that that is your dog passing over. I know that you also shed a tear or 2 for this, often with a smile playing on your lips.

Signs or little reminders comes to us in many forms. How do we regulate the emotions that it might evoke?

Then there is that Luther Vandross song, Dance with my Father, which brings up a memory of someone who was very dear to me, whom passed away in a car accident, way too young. When we heard this song together for the first time, he told me it was OK to cry. That is all he had to say for tears to stream down my face. For some reason that has always stuck with me. Maybe it was me missing my dad or maybe it was because of my friends’ empathy and compassion with his words, which was so unexpected at the time. Who knows, but now I am reminded of both of them and even though they never met, I hope that they are both watching over me.

It may be photos which you find, after you thought you lost them, a certain type of food which maybe your dad made, a smell of a perfume which your once favorite person wore, a special bottle of wine shared. Whatever the reminder is, how do you deal with that emotion, at birthdays, special occasions or particular times of year. Does it bring back happy memories or does it take you down a dark hole?

A few days ago we were informed about a family friend that had passed away, not due to COV19, but other health issues. These are unusual times that we find ourselves in, whereby we cannot necessarily say our “good byes” to loved ones because of the lock-down. What choices do we have now?

I am reminded of when I could not attend my grans’ funeral service because at the time I was working on cruise ships and could not get the special leave required. I was fairly young and did not “think out the box” as how I could say my “good byes”, so I postponed it to when I eventually got home a few months later. I must admit I was not very happy with this, it felt like “delayed”, “rehashing” of grief.

Years later I was in a different country to a friend that had passed on, whose funeral I desperately wanted to attend, but could not. I was older and a little wiser, so at the same time the funeral was in progress in Italy, I sat on the beach with his favorite flowers and said my good byes. I was able to get “closure” that same day, similar to had I been at the funeral in person.

We all deal with grief differently. We all have our various ways of saying good bye. Even under “normal” circumstances we are not necessarily able to say our good byes the “conventional” way. Do whatever works for you!

May you continue to find little “reminders” in “every day” that not only puts a smile on your face, a tear in your eye or a dance in your heart, but peace in your soul with the knowledge that their memory lives on through you.

Until next time…….

Love, light and positive change,

Ophelia